You're cheap. You're lazy. You don't pay for porn and you sure as hell won't pay for a quality sex toy.
Well this post is for all you cheap DIY fuckers that want to get your rocks off but are on a strict budget.

*Please note: Candy does NOT endorse any of these products or techniques. If you are going to try these at home be safe and have 911 on speed dial.

Jazz hands and some assembly required.

A bucket of chicken and an image of the Colonel is not my idea of a good time.

I bet she doesn't brush 3 times a day.

She's not a doctor. I'm glad she took the time to clear that up...

DIY with A Serial Killer

This shit genuinely creeped me the fuck out. Thank God he didn't pan right  because I'm pretty sure we would've seen a dead hooker chained to the hot water heater.

Paper Towel Roll

"Honey, we're out of paper towels (and helium) again!!"

Pillow Fuck

For those you who always wanted to fuck the world's largest pussy but could do without being repeatedly asked, "is it in yet?!"